


Purging

by Lindsey7618



Category: Shadowhunters (TV), The Mortal Instruments (Movies), The Mortal Instruments Series - Cassandra Clare, The Shadowhunter Chronicles - Cassandra Clare
Genre: Anorexia, Bulimia, Cutting, Depression, Eating Disorder, Eating Disorder Not Otherwise Specified, Eating Disorders, Eating disorder trigger warning, Hurt Magnus Bane, Implied/Referenced Self-Harm, Insecure Magnus Bane, Kinda, Magnus has an eating disorder, Mental Health Issues, Mental Illness, Purging, Sad Magnus, Sad Magnus Bane, Self Harm, Self-Esteem Issues, Suicide, depressed, depressed Magnus, first time purging, just a few mentions of wanting to be dead, self harm mention, suicidal
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-12-30
Updated: 2017-12-30
Packaged: 2019-02-24 00:47:42
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 318
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13202124
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Lindsey7618/pseuds/Lindsey7618
Summary: He felt lighter, better. Emptier. He could already tell this would become addicting, if he wasn’t careful. And to be fucking honest- he didn’t want to be careful. This was dangerous, yes. It was incredibly self destructive. But he no longer cared about himself, and if this happened to kill him along the way, then good. He didn’t want to live anymore anyway. If he couldn’t be skinny, then he’d rather be dead.(ignore the lame ass title)





	Purging

Choking, Magnus yanked his fingers out of his mouth for the millionth time. Why couldn’t he do it? Dammit, he had to do it. He glanced up at the mirror and stood straight. His stomach stuck out, his arms were huge, his thighs were fat, god, he was so disgusting and ugly. All he wanted was to be skinny. He wanted to be able to feel his ribcage, to watch as his collarbones and jawline became prominent. He wasn’t worth anything if he wasn’t skinny and beautiful, and he was neither.

He held his wrist out in front of him, paying no attention to the thin white scars that littered his skin, instead tracing the sides of his wrist. It was smaller than it had been last year- but he wanted it even smaller.

Frustration and self hate bubbled over. “Just fucking do it,” he whispered, angry with himself, and he shoved his fingers down his throat again in one quick motion. He slowed as his gag reflex activated, some fear hanging onto him, but he held them in place, waiting, wiggling them around until his stomach churned and he bent over the sink.

Fuck. There was barely anything there, but he had done it. He started again, blinking away the tears that accompanied watery eyes and a dizzy head. More came out and his fingers automatically pulled away. Leaning against the sink, breathing heavily, he looked up through his long eyelashes at the reflection.

He felt lighter, better. Emptier. He could already tell this would become addicting, if he wasn’t careful. And to be fucking honest- he didn’t want to be careful. This was dangerous, yes. It was incredibly self destructive. But he no longer cared about himself, and if this happened to kill him along the way, then good. He didn’t want to live anymore anyway. If he couldn’t be skinny, then he’d rather be dead.

**Author's Note:**

> Lame title, I know. What can I say, I'm a lame person. Drop some comments? Sorry it's short/shitty. Any ideas for a similar one shot related to ed/self harm/depression/anxiety would be appreciated. If anyone needs someone to talk to, you can always ask in a comment and we can talk here or I can give you my social media!


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